Rowing through space, pedaling through time, splashing around in my sensual experience.

Prove to me that you are not a robot

in this unlikely coincidence that we exist.

Do you like what you are doing with your life?

Be soft

Get out in front of the mood

Be an open book

Think about what we have in common

Watch for the surprising differences between the person in front of you and the person you imagine they are.

the war is over stop

stalemate stop

money gone stop

tell the others stop

come home stop

fences need fix stop

Not over until we say it's over stop

Still have ammunition stop

Fence repair tools in barn next to stop

10 years enough stop

I love you keys in mailbox sorry stop

I am standing in my garden. It's like a dream. I taste a raspberry, a perfect one, warm and ripe from the sun. It overwhelms my mouth with sweetness and fragrance. All around me are berries, leaves and little white raspberry flowers. A few bees are buzzing from flower to flower. The sun feels warm and nice on my skin. I wiggle my bare toes in the cool, wet grass. I make a copy of all this. I hear some robins and my lover calls softly to me from the doorway. I make some sounds with my mouth, giving a copy of my dream to her. I send some vibrations through the air and make her know my thoughts and feelings like a mind reader. In this way we make our minds match.

I can experience something and then save a copy in my head so that I can re-experience it immediately and then again years later. I can share a copy effortlessly through the air and make another know my thoughts and feelings. This by itself is astounding to me.

I can create a new experience in my head without first having to experience it in the world of reality, one a little different than the ones I have saved. This can happen to me spontaneously or I can make it happen by intention whenever I wish. I can share a copy of these new experiences to others.

I could lose any of these remarkable facilities in a moment by an injury.

When I was young my brother said to me, “Imagine what it would be like around here if everyone lived up to their potential.” I saved a copy of that experience.

What if we conducted ourselves in a way proportional to the magnificence of our splendid possession? We could spend our time thinking only great thoughts and only saying to each other words worthy of these delicate and unlikely facilities.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWdv2UhsMvk

My heart beats yes, yes, yes.
Breathe in the suffering of the world.
Breathe out joy to all creatures.
The smell of wet earth and springtime
in the air we all breathe.
I hear a distant voice.
Breeze and warm sun on my face.
I see a school of brightly colored fish
all veering exactly the same direction
at exactly the same instant
inexplicably
as if directed by an invisible signal.

A plain water glass,
curving around on itself to contain what is put in.
Flavorless, colorless,
looks like, tastes like only what may be put in.
Becomes a glass of milk, a glass of orange juice, a glass of coca-cola
with bubbles and ice.

Each time slowly emptied, washed, no trace of what was,
to become again what it fundamentally is,
an empty glass,
no matter how many times filled.

Eventually gaining scratches, stains.
Eventually to be dropped, broken,
and so not capable of being even an empty thing.

All I have ever
known how to be.
Sometimes empty,
sometimes milk, juice, water,
pebbles gathered by a child,
flowers.
Happily I become again for a while
all I can ever be,
with bubbles and ice.

.



A man I watch he thrashes trapped inside behind the glass, cuts himself on it, stopped he looks out desperately at me. Reaches towards me, stopped again by the glass, getting as close to it with his face as he can. I look again and he is standing back again, unperturbed identical to me. We think we move and the man in the mirror must move. It is the man in the mirror that moves us as a puppet.



.

.


"The passenger of the airplane or the train need only provide his destination and money and receives a swift and comfortable travel experience isolated from the region he travels through. The automobile passenger is required to provide more, constant attention and direction, and in return receives more contact with the environment through which he travels and is free to stop any time and examine it. The bicycle traveler is even more exposed and stimulated. In addition to providing constant attention and direction, he must also provide the motive power by his muscles. But to receive the most sensation, and freedom to explore the details of the world, one needs to be a walker!"----Homer Tressenger



.

.





Left Is As Good As Right When You Are Lost


If things are as bad
as you are saying
you need to do something
before you crash your life.
Make the decision
before something happens
that makes it for you.

You can and you must.
You don't need a new car.
Stop talking about
what you can't do
and start making choices
to change the results
that you get in your life.

Change your food,
change your sleep,
change how you think
and talk to yourself.
If you can't do it for youself,
do it for them.

When I insist
that you do something
that seems out of reach,
you may realize
that maybe you can.
Realize this now
because if you don't
you will just be older
when you finally do.

Look at the clock.
The time you see there
could be the time
that everything changed for you.
The minute you stop doing things
the way you always do
and do them a little more
like how you want to.

When you are frustrated
just let it be easy.
Wake up from the nightstorm
to a world freshly washed.
You are living a perfection
that leads to a way
that grows to an answer
that has always been in you.






.

My Dog Wakes Up


"Oh my god, look, I'm alive!
And look, it's so cool here.
OhmygodIjusttriedtomoveandIcan!
I've got to look around
and bark
and dive under the pillows.
Oh look, I can bite things.
I wonder what it would be like if I was upside down?
Oh, I've got an itch
and I just realized I have to pee.
I think there's something I want.
I have to go look for it......

I'm back!
Oh, what's that sound?
I better go smell it......"

"Loki come....Come, Loki, come!....LOKI! .........Loki?"

"Loki? What's Loki."

.  


I thought I wanted a boat. A pretty boat with clean white sails that would take me to the island where I could be happy. I tried the idea in my mind but I decided to wait. I thought it better not to have the boat now because there were many other wonderful things I wanted too. 

I never had the boat.  But I had the chance.  And the chance to have the motorcycle.  And the little farm.  My whole life I've always had the chance.
 
You can't take it with you. It is not that kind of cake. You have to eat it here. 
Be happy with the cake you are given.
What ever kind of tears you might have, they go very well with friends and sweet icing.


.

My Sun, My Wind

My stars, my sky.

I give them to you and now

Our stars, sun and air.

I am the sun, I am the moon.

I'm raining down on you

in tiny pieces of me.




.

Around My House This Morning

Ripening is what is going on around my house. Laura opened an avocado and exclaimed, "This is not ripe." I saw the label and it read, "Ripe when soft". I noticed we have a lot of things ripening. The other avocados, mangos, of course the obligatory bananas, and (s)pineapples too. "All tropical.", I thought.

I have not been listening to the radio lately. I realized that I have not heard the president in a couple weeks, expounding as he does in his distinctive way. I feel good, like I have just gotten home from vacation. Like I have to think for a moment to figure out what day it is.

I just realized: I woke up with the theme from the British tv show "Benny Hill" cheerfully replaying again and again in the room that is inside my head. You know, that bawdy, impish saxophone solo at the begining and end of the show where Mr. Hill is chasing or being chased by girls in bikini's.

We have an old cook book called the New Vegitarian Epicure. I noticed that the dogs had tried to eat it. I got up off the floor from wrastling and snuggling with them to let them out and I decided to step out with them.

I know that first breath of fresh air when I first step out in the morning always smells the best. The subsequent air does not hit me the same way as that first faceful. Today's smell: Late Winter Morning Sunshine and the Smell of Melting Snow.

I went walking on the lake today. Astounding experience. Surreal. Dazzling sun. I had to squint even with sun glasses on. Crystal black ice, warm breeze, 625 acres of dead flat surface and 500 yards to shore in every direction, not a soul in sight. Fantastic and eerie shapes in places where wind and wave had frozen water in unlikely positions. In several places I saw fox or coyote foot prints crossing the lake in mostly strait lines. Groaning, cracking, creaking, squeaking, pinging, zinging noises moved toward and away from me as the sun warmed the ice and as I added my weight to different places on the lake. Not once did I think about work or other worries.

Solitude, desolation, tranquility. Mother nature's unforgiving fury of the previous night frozen in time and yet also a busy 4 lane highway touching one shore that reminded me how close the madness is.

I noticed that after a couple hours of warming by the sun, that the previously crystal clear black ice started to get clouded by tiny air bubbles in the ice.

Laura:  Aren't you lucky today?!


Hi hun. I was thinking what a pleasant morning I had with you and this little conversation (below) came to me. Aren't I lucky to have hung out with you this morning?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Here friend, I give you the sun.


"Don't be ridiculous. Do you think you are god?


"You were thinking about something else before I came to you. If I had not brought your attention to it, you would not be having the experience of the sun right now. I have just given it to you. And who but god could do that?

"Do you see this rock? Pick it up, hold it, examine it. Why does it exist? Because it exists? Because of the extreme pressure and heat deep in the earth? Because of the big bang? Because of god? Or because you say it exists? Because you can sense it, feel its coldness, its hardness, its heaviness, see its greyness, because you can bump it against your forehead and feel the pain it makes. Does it exist because you can perceive it? Because you can describe it, know it? There is no way to know it exists other than by your senses, your perception of it in your mind. Perception is equivalent to reality.

"Since you received a perception of the sun just now, I gave you the sun and that makes me god. And aren't you lucky to have met me today?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Honey, no one else knows who I am so it is our little secret, ok? Enjoy your sun today and please think of me occasionally. Tonight perhaps I will give you the moon and some stars.






.

sun sand warm
sand warm sit
bright....close eyes
wave sound
wave sound bird sound
ocean sky bird move
sand push hand warm sand

sandwich
eating
mom
hold hand walk sand wind
sand rock water wave bird sky sun

Why couldn't that have been enough?
So long ago.
I listen for your feet behind me.






.

I had a cool experience this morning that made me feel like I have turned a corner. I have been loving the smell of the snow when I first go out in the morning and it reminds me so much of my days at Killington. I realized something....I can taste my life again! For so long down here I was working and worrying and rushing. I realized something might be wrong because it occurred to me that I could not "taste my life". That is to say, I could taste food, smell air, feel warmth of the sun, see the lovely things, but they did not thrill me as they should. I was not excited about anything...I spent all my time solving problems and being serious. I could not think of anything that I wanted. I could not remember a time when I was really happy! Wow! Seriously...I was out in the middle of a lovely lake in a kayak and I challenged myself to think of one time when I was really happy and I could not. This was about 5 years ago. All I wanted was relief. I could not sleep well. I could not remember who it was that I was supposed to be. And guess what? I think I can remember now...the ghost of a distant memory came to me in the smell of the snow. I was amazed. This has been happening in the middle of the "great recession" and also at a time when things have been tense between me and Laura. But none the less...I feel ok! Who knows, maybe it is just a coincidence, but I like to think that it is because I have been observing my thoughts and feelings, forcing myself not to work much, and focusing on my daily life...eating right, practicing good sleep habits, moderating the exersize. I think the key is that it is all alot easier to deal with when my basic needs are met...not just emotional but biochemical...sleep, nutrition, stress factors.

Laura went to work and I had the strange feeling of being the housewife left at home after every one else has gone to work or school for the day. Strangely quiet, just me and the dogs. And we all chased each other around and around the living room table madly for 10 minutes for no reason. And I had the feeling I used to have when I was a kid at home in the morning, didn't have to go to school and it was just me and Mom for the day...how lovely....everything is good! And why shouldn't our whole life be that way....emotionally anyway. Perhaps we still must deal with our struggles and be rushed a little or distracted, but why can't we still keep a little place in our head at all times where we feel as if it is just me and mom for the day. A place where we know that it will be ok no matter what happens and these are the good old days and mom is drinking coffee at the kitchen table and one of her friends or the mailman stops by for a few minutes. I think this is what I mean when I ask: "When do I get to live like everyone else every day and just feel good. At what point do I get to stop preparing and start doing the cool stuff?" We worry so much about how to have our cake and eat it too so that we can avoid having to choose. How about just letting go so that we can have what we have!

Thinking about this made me feel good, I hope it has a similar effect on you.

Expect something extraordinary. Witness the day in a new place. Let the seal and the seagull be your spirit guide. Will you come be a part of something remarkable? Come to the place where we can be alone together. Hold hands in the place of your childhood. Join the sturdilies of the beach in story. Sit and let memories recall themselves to you. See all the rocks that you recognize. Let the smell of the wood smoke remind you. Notice how food always tastes better on the beach. Think of the ocean, the sand, the wind as your ocean, your sand, your wind. Start to relax in the warmth of your sun. Become aware of something that you did not notice before. Let pleasant sensations of wonder and beauty flood your waking dream. Imagine a shy hobbit darting and hiding among the low tide rocks. A mermaid might slip between the waves, a wood nymph peeks over the bluff for a second. Listen to the great rocks whisper as you pass. Return slowly to the place where you belong.

We are always starting, making a fresh start, so that our whole life is starting, never finishing until we come to the end and realize this. I think we must at some point come to the middle and feeling it repulsive, turn back to the start, never turning forward again, and so end as a child.

Try this: take a deep breath. Retain it as long as possible. Notice carefully everything after that point. Tonight when you brush your teeth, review what you observed. After you brush your teeth but before you rinse, lift your hand and brush them very carefully again with a toothbrush that is imaginary. Now pick up the glass,turn on the faucet and watch it slowly fill with cool, clear water. Drink as much as you want, until all your thirst is gone. Notice the difference this makes.

Running: Gust of wind lifts me up and shoves my whole body from behind. Legs going as fast as they can, now cover more length with each stride. Feet struggle to find ground to push on. I touch down and coast to a safe landing. My big friend the wind disappears ahead of me.

Swimming: my big friend the ocean lifts me up. Laughing, gasping for air, I tumble. I get spit out on the sand. Laughing too, he rises up and falls onto me again.

Sleeping, I surf the darkness on my bed all night. Waking, it all comes back to me. I step off my board to swim in my big friend the day.

Today at the parking lot....windy:

Suddenly, a confusing black thing at the tree tops, too fast to see. Tumbling, blown sideways and down by the wind. Black mass of feathers, stumbles, falls dangerously, and quickly flies back up and away.

As I watch it fly away, I see it all again in my mind. Tumbling through the air sideways. I see it now, a crow, now stopped and falling, upside down, changing shapes. Reaching, arching to see, flaying at the air. I see its eye for a second, its urgent expression. And in an instant curling to a ball until it faces the wind, now opening muscular feather arms. Finally safe, flying, it looks like a bird again and joins the crow I am watching fly away. Standing there, I don't know what to do next.

Just a few seconds that I relive again and again.

Monday. The best thing that happened today was yesterday. I spent the whole day there. This morning was so bright I had to put on sunglasses to work at my desk. The afternoon went on forever.

Sunday was sunny too. Long aimless afternoon bike ride. I stopped to talk to a midwest trucker unloading cars for a dealership. I felt good there on the side of the road. Lonely thing to be doing on a Sunday, far from home, us both. I asked how is the country? Looked at me for a second, thinking. Said, "People needing someone to talk to. People feeling bad." I rode around looking in the yards of a thousand houses. I had a donut and a glass of water from McDonalds. Sitting on the curb in the winter sun, eating. I felt good.

I went back there so often in my mind today that I decided to go there again on my bike too. I had fries this time. I felt good again as I watched traffic. Tomorrow supposed to be sunny too.

Today I saw some birds, not small, up higher than average, in a grey sky, windy. I have been up there. Just floating at first to watch. Then to chance a try with them, to feel what it is like to do that and to try to fit in unnoticed as one. I think it is something anyone can do.

Once a year in late summer some large white birds come to some dead trees in a swamp by my road. People gather. The people and the birds watch each other, each perched quietly together with their kind.

Their cry is not the song you might expect of a large white bird. I think of it the sound a human might make when trying to squawk.

When these white birds fly it is not the graceful soaring you might expect of a large white bird. It looks more like a newspaper being blown among the tops of the skyscrapers of windy city. Tumbling, folding and spreading, floating down and then borne high up suddenly by a draft.

There are, of course, also near me the common small birds that zip suicidally through the briar's. One can see how a large bird can float, borne up by large buoyant wings, rowing the sky. But these little birds, fat with little wings that hardly seem to do a thing for them, they are too fast for my eye and I can't see how they stay up.

These small birds can hide from the wind storm. What can the large birds who cannot fit in a nook do? Take their chances in the air instead. And being in it, feel it's air still as the eye of a cyclone and instead watch the earth turn safely beneath. And when it stops turning, come down in a place different of smell, appearance and sound, lacking the foods they require. Sea birds blown far inland. Or worse, land birds blown far out to sea.

What must it be like? Words perhaps being insufficient, nature favors them and us with song.